Trials and Tribulations of invisible timelines

I was recently listening to a podcast about the invisible timelines. You know the ones that claim what age you are supposed to reach certain milestones by.

• Have your career figured by the time you go to university.

• Get married and have kids before your 30.

• Buy a house in your late 20s / early 30s.

• And the list goes on.

  
  

  So many I lost count!

The sad truth is these so-called timelines were introduced many lifetimes ago. During my grandparents’ upbringing, life expectancy was much shorter so they were raised with different expectations based on factors that would have been relevant during that time. Things have drastically changed since those timelines were introduced so you need to consider this if you are using them as a base.

When I was growing up, times continued to evolve with more women entering the workforce. Even though times were changing, I used these timelines as a guide. The weight of them was heavy to carry, especially when I would reach a certain age and be so far off the mark.

By the time I graduated from university with a degree, I still had no sweet clue what my career path was going to be. Up until this point in my life, things were laid out for me. The fact that I was left on my own to decide where to go from here was overwhelming. I had many ideas run through my head but most of them were not really a realistic path for me for one reason or another.

During university, I worked as a server, so I continued to do work there full-time once I completed my studies. This was at least allowing me to earn money while I came up with a plan. I had an excellent work ethic and my coworkers there were like family to me. It was an incredibly busy spot and many times we would be short-handed trying to multitask our way to the end of a shift any way we could. The experience from this job would harness me with many diverse skills sets that would become more valuable in the years ahead.

I continued to keep myself busy while I made some good coin. Luckily, an opportunity emerged to join one of my friends on an adventure of a lifetime. She was planning to travel to Europe to visit several different countries for an extended period of time. Myself and another one of our high school friends decided to join this travel journey with her.

This experience ended up being a once-of-lifetime type of adventure. We backpacked through 10 countries in Europe, and it was life changing. We met so many like-minded people from all over the world. We explored diverse cultures, different traditions, and beautiful landscapes. This would prove to be a smart investment that taught me a lot about life and myself. I not only gained a broader view of the world, but I also never felt more free and alive.

When I returned, reality set in. I needed to figure out what I would do next. I still had no idea what I was going to do. Ahhh it was so frustrating. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed to find a career that would be financially beneficial. I had always struggled with debt, and it caused me a lot of stress from an early age. I had accumulated a lot of student loan debt and when you are starting out, it can be hard to know how to manage your finances properly.

I came up with a plan to move to Toronto and try to become a flight attendant. Yes, very random but when I was seven years old, we went to Florida, and I remember being very intrigued by the flight attendants during those flights. So off I went on my next adventure to the big city of Toronto.

It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually after several interviews, screenings and language testing, I made it through to the last step. I was invited to the twelve-week training camp. Despite the long journey back and forth to the training facility each day, the first week seemed cool. I met two girls on the first day and we clicked right away. One of them lived in Guelph with her parents and she invited me and the other girl to come live with her during the weekdays so the commute would be easier.

It was a look back in the day!

As the weeks went by, the training got very intense. Each week, people would drop out of the program. From survival training to emergency training and first aid training, it was both exciting and scary. Once I graduated and got my set of wings, I was so proud of my accomplishments, but I already knew it was not the job I had made out to be in my head. I did give it my best shot, but in the end, it only became more obvious this career choice was not for me, so I moved back to PEI.

At the time, I was 25 years old, and my friends were beginning to move into their careers, live with their significant other and some were even getting engaged. My panic button was flashing on high alert. I was still trying to deal with my bruised ego of moving home after feeling like I was a failure at my first attempt of a real-life adult career.

Instead of thinking I had the guts to explore my interests and become a flight attendant, I only saw failure. Oh, the self-talk was all there, and no one was harder on me than me. I am not sure if I even realized how terrible I was to myself. I would never have said any of those things to a friend so why did I continue to say them to myself? If only I could have been kinder to myself, I may have saved myself a lot of heartache.

I ended up talking to one of my friend’s sisters about the Public Relations program she graduated from that sounded interesting. I didn’t know much about it, but I wanted to learn more. At the time, I was struggling with debt and it was stressing me out. I wasn’t getting any younger and I was already behind the eight ball, so I needed to figure something out – and fast.

I looked at both the college and university programs offered. As I already had a degree, financially it made better sense to go for the college program in Nova Scotia. I submitted my application and hoped for the best. They only accepted 22-25 students for the entire program and since it was in Nova Scotia, it only allowed for two PEI seats. If this fell through, I had no backup plan.

I was so happy when I received the acceptance letter. I didn’t know exactly what I was in for, but I was glad that my plan was working in my favour so far. At the end of the day, I figured it could only add to my existing knowledge, experience, education and skills.

Off I went to Halifax to start my new program. To my pleasant surprise, I immediately loved everything about it. I was so interested in the subject and materials that I discovered topics that I never even knew I had passion about. It opened my eyes to a whole new world I did not even know existed. Also lucky for me, a professor from the university program ended up being our program instructor. She was incredibly brilliant and enthusiastic about her teachings.

As my studies moved along, I learned how my critical thinking would become an asset that would benefit me in the many years to come. I also recognized that all the years I spent writing was a passion of mine – something I never recognized before this program even though when I looked back, I had always received positive input from any of my writing assignments.

It was a gift my grandmother bestowed on me. She was a stickler for proper grammar use and always corrected me. She was patient but stern. My mother was also an exceptionally good writer and often encouraged me to write out my emotions on paper. This love of writing would prove to come in handy in my career.

By the time I graduated from this program, I was 27 years old. I had attended several of my friends’ weddings and I knew babies were not far off. Did that weigh heavily in the back of my mind? It sure did! Why do we always compare ourselves to others? If you do this – please stop now. It is of NO benefit to you. We are all on different paths and that is okay. Our stories are not all meant to play out the same way.

As part of my program, I had to do a work term assignment. I went to an interview in PEI, and not only did I get a work term, but I also got an additional nine-month internship. The CEO explained he knew when he saw that I had been a server for so many years, especially during my university studies, he wanted to hire me. In my head I am thinking, I just completed an exceptionally demanding advanced diploma in a specific field of study, but you want to hire me because I was a server?!?

It made more sense once he explained it further. He said a job serving in the restaurant industry showed that I was capable of managing stressful environments and thinking quickly on my feet. He said there are many transferable skills from my past experience I could bring to this new role. He was assured I was a hard working person who was not afraid to get my hands dirty. Juggling so many tasks, while putting out random fires, and quickly shifting from one task to another indicated to him that I possessed strong organization and communication skills. He recognized my strong work ethic and ability to handle pressure with a level head. He was not wrong but I had never seen it described that way until that day.

This is a reminder that your character no matter what job you have speaks to the person you are and become. Never underestimate the job you may be in now - no matter how trivial you may feel it is because it is providing you with a handful of skills and knowledge that you can apply in your career.

While you may come into your career with your educational background and training, your previous work experience(s) will lend itself well on so many levels. In addition, if you were a competitive athlete or spent time volunteering, those types of experiences have also developed many foundational skill sets that you can apply as you move into your career. You hold more knowledge and experience than you may not give yourself credit for.

I was 30 years old when I signed on as a permanent employee. At the time, many friends were not only married, but they owned a home and were beginning to have kids. I already felt behind the eight ball on my career status let alone on my personal life status. I should have been ecstatic about my job (and I was), but I focused more on what I didn’t have as opposed to what I did have. Big mistake!

Living to the ‘standards’ we place on ourselves, robs us of the opportunity to celebrate our current wins which are so important to recognize. If you don’t love yourself first, you will never find in another person what you should look within yourself to fulfill.

The fact that I remained mostly on my own in my 30s ended up being pretty damn sweet. I learned what made me happy, which was a very gratifying feeling. I had an active social life, so I was always on the go. I had a thriving career where I was supported and surrounded by the most amazing people, coworkers, community, mentors and bosses. I lived alone, traveled and made formidable memories with family and friends.

I would not buy my first home until late my 30s. It wasn’t how I had envisioned it, but I was doing it all on my own. It was an immensely proud moment that I got to share with my wonderful family and friends. I felt very loved by all of them, and it showed me that connections at any age are what makes the engine run on a full tank.

For all of you who feel you need to meet your person by a certain age, I am here to tell you that it sometimes doesn’t all fall together when the invisible timeline says it will. I met my now husband when I was 40 and we got married when I was 42.

All the relationships that did not work out before him suddenly made sense.

We did it our way!

Everyone has different needs and wants so normalize whatever works best for you and your life.

Has everything worked out as I had planned? HELL NO! But I am beyond grateful for the way it has unfolded. The life you imagined may end up looking different than you originally planned. Allow good things to come into your life. Have fun along the way. Trust the process. Build your friendships and other connections. Work hard and continue to set tangible goals. Sometimes the universe has a bigger plan that you know nothing about. Stay open, keep curious, appreciate your health, practice gratitude, take care of yourself , help others when you can, and keep moving forward.

Throw away the invisible timelines and do what feels right for you. Make your own path and take some twists and turns along the way. Know that sometimes it will lead you where you need to go. Some trails may be muddy, slippery, uphill and messy while others will be smooth, easy and beautiful.

Life is hard, and it isn’t fair. That is why it’s important to soak up those good moments when you are in them. The changes that exist today for the younger generation includes the use of technology that you have grown up with. It has changed everything about your lives and some of us older generations would not even be able to relate to your experience(s), but how you feel is validated. Add in a global pandemic and many other challenges - we could write a book about them - it's been a complex time.

The thing is life is not linear, and the one thing that is consistent is change. That is true for any generation. It's also important to note that no career will be without it's bad days, weeks, months perhaps even years, so that is why you will want to choose a path that brings some form of motivation/passion. You spend a lot of your adult life at your job so you will want to do something that you are good at and that builds on your strengths.

My plan was to work for the Toronto Blue Jays after I graduated from the Public Relations program. Instead, I am coming up on 25 years working with both the provincial and federal governments. I never thought I would work at a desk job because I was someone who enjoyed moving and doing!

The career path didn’t end up with the Jays, but I am so fortunate where my path led me. I have gained a wealth of knowledge and expertise. I have developed wonderful connections, I expanded my skill sets greatly and continue to learn more than I ever could of imagined.

AND. ... there is still plenty of time to work for the Blue Jays once I retire! 😁

Go Jays Go!

Please keep in mind that the tough times will pass. You are strong because you've had to be through the recent challenges life threw your way. Keep moving and exploring because your 20s are not easy. Please don’t be afraid to fail because it’s through your failures you will learn and grow. Despite the heartache that may accompany it, you will get through it.

Time does help heal wounds. You will continue to move another step closer towards what you want if you continue to believe in yourself. Never lose your fight that you will figure it. AND ask for help if you need it. You are loved immensely and there is a community of people who will help guide you, but don't forget to trust yourself too.

My advice is to ask yourself some important questions as you try to find your way.

What is most important when you think about your day and life in your career?

1. A set schedule or shift work?

2. Do you want weekends off or shift work/weekends?

3. Do you prefer to be doing something more physical than sitting all day?

4.  Do you want to work in an office setting?

5. Are you okay if you to work in an open workspace / cubicle setting with others?

6.  Do you like to work independently?

7.  Would you prefer to work on your own?

8.  Do you like to work with a team?

9. Would you prefer to work with both a team and independently?

10.  Are connections at a work setting more important than on screen?

11.   Would you be more productive working from home or in an office location? Or both?

12.  Are you someone who likes to continually learn new skills / training?

13.  Are you more of a leader or follower? Do you like to be giving the instructors? Are you a doer/worker that does not need much direction?

14.  Do you want to travel?

15.  Do you want to collaborate with people / the community?

16.  Do you want a variety of locations/movements in your workday?

17.  Do you enjoy being engaged with people you may not know well?

18. Do you need routine?

Other things to consider?

1. Is the feeling of being appreciated / recognized important?

2. Do you like to public speak / present information ?

3. Are you self-directed?

4. Or do you prefer to make it up as you go?

5.  Do you want to help make a direct impact in people’s lives?

6.  Are you good with people? Networking?

7.  Do you pay close attention to detail?

8.  Are you good at writing?

9.  Do you thrive better on organization or take things as they come?

10.  Do you get energy from others?

11.  Are you okay with attending a lot of meetings?

12.  Do you thrive on process and regulations?

13.  Do you prefer drawing outside the lines?

14.  Do you want to be creative?

15.  Are you more logical / scientific?

What kind of person do you want to be in your career?

1.  Kind

2.  Honest

3.  Genuine

4.  Supportive

5.  Strategic

6.  Critical thinker

7.   Creative

8.   Patient

9.   Team oriented

10.  Driven

11.  Motivated

12.  Compassionate

13.  Effective

14.  Playful

15.  Educational

16.  Collaborative

17.  Adaptive

18.  Analytical person

19.  Ambitious

20.  Curious

21.  Educated

22.  Energetic

23.  Enthusiastic

24.  Confident

25.  Competitive

26.  Focused

27.  Insightful

28.  Imaginative

29.  Intuitive

30.  Caretaker

31.  Open-minded

32.  Persuasive

33.  Inclusive

34.  Empathetic

35.  Adventurous

36.  Gratitude

37.  Courageous

38.  Bravery

39.  Resilient

40.  Positive

Of course there are more things to consider, but sometimes we need to think about the environments we thrive in versus the ones that we don’t. You must think of your lifestyle and how you want it to resemble as you embark on this next chapter.

It can be helpful to think about the qualities people have admired about you and why they think that about you. Talk to those closest to you and ask them questions about yourself so that if you can’t see some of those traits, others close to you can share them.

Any professional would be happy to talk to you about their work experience. If you want to learn more about an occupation, I bet you could find someone who could help shed some light. It’s always good to do a bit of research on your own but there is no better source than someone who can provide you with firsthand knowledge.

You do not have to have it all figured out by a certain age so let yourself off the hook if you need more time. As long as you continue to put one foot in front of the other, keep moving forward. Try things out, test the waters and know you can change course if you decide something you tried is not working for you.

Throw away any invisible timelines because they serve no purpose. Try to enjoy your journey and do things that bring joy. Don’t wait to live! Having fun in every stage of life is a must. Say yes to adventure and make those memories now and don't put them on hold for later. These are some of the best days of your life. The destination can be less exciting than the journey you traveled to get there.

Keep believing in yourself. It’s okay to be afraid of the unknown. Don’t give up on yourself because you will discover that there is no such thing as making the wrong choice. The choice you make will be the best one based on the information you have at the time you make the decision. Just keep choosing you and you will find your footing. Take a different path if it means it excites you.

‘If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.’ Wayne Dyer

Savour your time and the people you share it with. Be ambitious about your life. Visualize it. It doesn’t have to be grandiose, it just has to make sense to you. Instead of thinking a 'one and done' type of path, remember you are not stuck and you always have other opportunities you can explore at any age.

Reach out to me if you ever want to chat. I am not an expert or a professional counsellor or trained coach in any form but I am a great listener who cares. Sometimes it's more about sharing your thoughts, ideas and concerns with someone who can listen without any judgement. My email is juleswhitlock@hotmail.com

Thanks for reading this far:)

Love,

Jules xo 💌